GP Picks 2-14-14: The Valentine’s Day Steam Special!
This week’s GP Picks is brought to you by Respawn Entertainment and Naughty Dog. We know nerds don’t have lovers so that’s why we’re releasing the Titanfall beta and DLC for The Last of Us on Valentine’s Day. Here you go, you poor, lonely saps. Enjoy our games all by your lonesome. You’ll probably die alone.
Hello, gamers and players, and welcome to this special Valentine’s Day edition of GP Picks. If you are reading this, chances are you aren’t with your Valentine or don’t have one at all. Valentine’s Day is supposed to be a time to share with that special someone but has been transformed into a day to turn that someone into a prostitute. You buy them enough stuff, they put out, men and women all included. The amount may differ from a lot to maybe nothing but the expectation is there. Not to mention that despite this legal day for whoring, those without someone special is left to feel lonely and possibly suicidal. This whole holiday is just the worst so this Valentine’s Day, I say you spend some quality time with Steam because they’ve got some good games that you probably missed. So this week we’ve got a free-to-play shooter, a side scrolling shooter classic, a super stylized old school RPG, and the weirdest f**king game I’ve ever played.
This game has to be on the top of my list this week. I missed Loadout when it was released at the end of last month but that was a mistake. As someone who doesn’t like online games, I LOVE Loadout. This is a free-to-play third person shooter with great cartoony visuals, and extremely balanced and addictive gameplay. As someone who is not good at shooters, this is the game to get people into this genre online. It helps that the game is free and the micro-transactions are mostly only for cosmetic differences.
The coolest aspect of the game is obviously enough the loadout aspect of the game. You can earn Blutes, which is the in-game currency, and use them to buy new parts for your gun. You can make a rocket launcher that has homing, fire based rockets, a shotgun that heals your teammates, an electric beam with a 5x scope and a spooling trigger, the possibilities are endless. The developers have been totally fair with the game in terms of support and micro-transactions so I’ve already given them some money and happily so. It’s on Steam now for free so go play this game NOW!
Detective find file pills are mission start robot hooker Jazzpunk. Pizza land mushroom clouds Shining reference pigeons cereal Waverace gravy hobo Road Runner Jazzpunk. Whoopie cushion sonic ray bird pie fourth degree burns phone tips public bathroom sign people Jazzpunk. Fly vaces crossdressing incognito space golf exterminator twister flying golf carts computer world acid trip passed out behind the desk alligator head Jim Sterling Jazzpunk.
If you’re not completely brain dead by now, that is literally the best way to describe Jazzpunk. The framing of the game is you are a secret agent carrying out tasks for a spy agency but other than that, the game is completely random. You walk around and do random stuff, some pertaining to your “mission” and some not. It’s just a surreal experience and if you like strange indie games, you need to give this a shot. Just watch the trailer if you want a better idea of what this is. Or just trust me. After all, I am the Walrus.
Paper Sorcerer was released last year in limited release to Gamers Gate, and developer Ultra Runaway’s website but got a Steam release about a month ago. It’s this strange first person RPG with a very distinct old school style. You are the titular sorcerer who is trapped in an ancient magical book. You escape from a cell and assemble a team of various monsters and creatures who will fight alongside you and you must escape from the book.
The art style is the great contrast of black, white and light brown (perhaps a cream color) that gives it an old dusty book look with the color of the pages faded but the black text bold and prominent. The game also has an old school turn based fighting system that actually reminds me a bit of Phantasy Star. Your characters are only visable while attacking and the enemies are always in front of you. If you want a old school RPG title, give Paper Sorcerer a shot.
Finally, this week’s retro pick is oddly enough the only new release for this week. Metal Slug 3 has been released to Steam this week. Originally released in Arcades in 2000, this game has seen numerous releases on the PS2, Neo Geo, Wii, Xbox Live Arcade, and other platforms and is arguably the most accessible Metal Slug title in the series. However, that’s not to say it’s that different from the other game in the series.
You choose a character and shoot your way through various guerilla soldiers and save POWs along the way. Collect different guns to use against the various enemies, including the namesake tank, and run to the right. It’s a pretty basic side-scrolling run-n-gun. However, the fun cartoony but chunky visuals and visceral, impactful gameplay makes it one of the best in the industry, rivaled by only Contra. For a truly fun blast from the past, check out Metal Slug 3 on Steam today.
And there you have it. Another week, another collection of games to spend your money on. Each Friday, I’ll recommend games for you all to play. As always, these aren’t reviews so much as they are suggestions, as I won’t weigh pros and cons of the game. These choices will be new games released that week, but sometimes I will choose games with new downloadable content. I’ll also recommend older retro titles because sometimes you need to retreat to move forward! Be sure to check out GP Picks every week to see what’s worth picking up. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to cry myself to sleep alone in my cold, cold bed. But not before playing some Last of Us and Loadout.